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I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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