I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
