I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
