then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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