we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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