you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
