Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
