Having a random hookup so left but love u
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
