there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
