every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
