I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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