I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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