I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize