hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
