just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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