Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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