he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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