Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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