i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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