I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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