look no pants
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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