he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
