Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Randomize
