I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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