K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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