I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
