i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
honey bunches of taint.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
