I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
