i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize