love makes seman taste better
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
