Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
