The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
