If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
