just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
