Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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