btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
