i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
