i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
