your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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