bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You ruined the universe
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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