why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
