she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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