I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
