and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
