why didn't you poke me back
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
