Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
