no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.