Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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