Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
