i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
