The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
