You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i permit you to call me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
