so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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