Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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