I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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