That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
