I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
