Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
