No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Someone shattered a urinal.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
