what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
