I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found your dick twin last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
