i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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