I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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