No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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