Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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