i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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