dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
