i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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