I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You ruined the universe
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
