Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
