porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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