he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
