You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my being single is dangerous.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we're making bets on your personal life
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
