my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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