I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
