You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
