I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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