guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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