two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
