Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
